someone broke into the tub. the board is password protected for gods sake! how the hell can anyone just guess the password?? of all places to get me, this asshole targets the tub. you can’t imagine how much this has freaked me out… its just .. not.. possible.. is it? please tell me its not..
well, anyway, we moved everything. changed all the passwords. i hope the place is safe now.. i DON’T need another stalker.. not now. not on top of everything else….. i only just got rid of the last one….
the only thing i can think of, is that the tub was targeted because it’s a click site. ok, the guy knew my screen name, and he knew where to go.. the only way someone would know of the tub, is via the bat logs.. but even then, he either guessed, or was told, the password.
if he guessed, then he knows the click.. and he knows of the mugworp…. (oh muggy, protect me..) if he was told… then he knows someone that goes there.. or he was a pawn, for a higher power…….. and, considering that the IP was a UK IP….. that leaves 2 prime suspects. and i wouldn’t put it past either of them.
that possibility scares me… more than you could realise.
the IP had also shown up on the stats for this.. my diary. that. freaked. me. out. to the point that i even considered changing the set up of this, to a locked diary, with individual passwords for specific readers. i haven’t decided what to do with this yet…that’s why this entry is locked… if he comes back here, i don’t want him to know how i reacted to it. HELL NO CORNBALL.
i was drawing at the tub last night.. i draw at the tub more than i draw at my own board.. odd isn’t it? i guess i just feel more comfortable there, given the history of the place..
the odd thing about that, is that no matter what it’s name, it’s just a java applet.. they all are.. my board, labrat (which i finally deleted last week), the tub, and a few others i go to.. what is it that makes a java applet ‘comfortable’? i can’t answer that. it just feels like home to me.
but the tub has been violated. infiltrated. vandalised.
desecrated.
what disturbed me about it, wasn’t the drawing itself. i’ve seen it before, i’ll see it again. it wasn’t the intention of the drawing. i’ve dealt with that kind of stalker freak ‘gift’ before. what upset me? this is the tub we’re talking about, dammit. that place is sacred to me.
i’ve seen so much happen from there.. watching the bat fights, hiding from bat fights, psychoanalysis of the bat’s drawing style, tourist maps, zzrrtt machine madness, many many hours there alone, drawing, thinking, deciding..
it’s still the best place for me to hide from things, and to confront them.. even if that confrontation is only within myself.
and i was there again.. drawing.. thinking.. deciding.
another valley..
the valley’s started somewhere around 1994.. just before i started studying.. i was deciding what the hell i was going to do with my life.. and i was drawing valley’s everywhere..
on the phone at work, doodling, drawing a valley… sitting at home, watching tv, doodling, drawing a valley. sitting in a cafe, doodling a valley in my journal.
i compiled them all in to one… (in hindsight, a bad) collage of valleys, with associated text and what..
it was after that, that i decided that i should take the leap of faith, and go be who i wanted to be.
the valley drawing has become a habit.. every time i question myself.. my motives, my needs, my desires, my actions.. out pops another valley.
so i was drawing a valley again last night… and i’m sure there will be many more to come….