words words words words words words words and more words. words that hurt. words that hurt because they should have been spoken. words that hurt because they should have been heard. words that hurt because they are not the truth. words that hurt because they are the truth. words you recognise. words that you disregard. words that are meaningless. words that are loaded. words words words words words words words and more words.
Notes on Nothing.
You are walking down the street but nothing is familiar. You are a child who left her parents too soon; a brat, a blank subject. …
i just noticed
..that the time stamp on this thingy is wrong – this one should be 9.05am.. hmm. i will fix that momentarily..
i thought..
pivot arm; swing support; turnbuckle; parallel clamps; caster; connecting link; v-block clamp; tool post holder; crane hook; channel clamp; tube support; flanged coupling; double-v pulley; …
water..
i was staring at the city lights reflecting on the river…. i like bridges. they link things. this city has some beautiful bridges. especially beautiful …
addendum
lou called me late saturday afternoon – apparently, leon and tamara are both pissed at me, and have been for some time – ive been …
famous.. and a gossip, but famous none the less
this is your first entry. you can edit this as needed.. i can, but i wont do as much as some would. its 2pm on …
PARIAH
cold concrete touches the
warm skin of her back
cold blasting winds trace the line of her jaw
she shudders
WASTELAND once a playground for the critique of
reason and creative activity
RUBBLE she looks back o her past – she sees rubble
golf carts passing on distant hills
sirens blaring down distant streets
unrecognisable voices promise things I don’t want
PARIAH
I need a pariah
meditative stasis
what does one see when one meets an objective view of one’s past?
(actual date unknown – approx Nov 98)
tactics
tactics/game-plan…
you’ve sunk my battleship,
I’ve captured your knights…
checkmate…
your move…
(actual date unknown – approx nov 98)
foresight
empty facets of
cold information
(foresight)
her empty, damaged heart.cold.
please hesitate from action…
Game-changer
Don’t make me play your games…
if I don’t know the rules
I won’t want to play.
(actual date unknown – approx oct 98)
Acute abrasion
historical disillusionment
pensive purgatory
perennial denial of accountability
Acute abrasion of inclination
(actual date unknown – approx oct 98)
animalistic acts of retribution (part 2)
“Animus;
Retribution;
Mania;
Penchant;
Contingency”
Absolve Thyself
retrospective thought leaves me cold;
Cover me, I’m going in…
(actual date unknown – approx oct 98)
animalistic acts of retribution
ANIMUS
violent hatred; ill will; active dislike or enmity; animosity.
RETRIBUTION
recompense for evil or rarely for good done; vengeance; requital.
MANIA
mental disorder characterised by extremes of joy or rage; uncontrolled, often violent activity, extravagant and irregular speech etc., often followed by depression; an unusual fondness or craze.
PENCHANT
a strong taste or liking; inclination.
CONTINGENCY
uncertainty of occurrence; chance occurrence; thing that may happen hereafter; thing dependent on an uncertain event; thing incidental to incidental expense etc.
animalistic acts of retribution;
initiation to enticement;
circumstantial foundations to desire.
(actual date unknown – approx oct 98)
Statements
Like days spent on ice skates
Can you dance
to someone else’s tune?
Should you change your standards for pleasure?
Should you be attracted to something
because it’s there?
Please don’t shoot
the messenger
I plunder with thee
Sometimes you just can’t
help who you
fall in love with
To see the past in
terms of
PAST
Do I need tools to play?
I’m willing to play,
as long as you don’t go
changin’ the rules on me.
It’s my bat and ball
and I make the rules.
If you try and change the rules,
I’ll take my bat and ball and go home.
mindgames
Absolute Resolute
Solvent
Negligent
Diligent
(Siligent)
Sometimes you just can’t help who
you fall I love with.
How much can she stand?
How much can she compromise away?
should she lower/change her standards
for pleasure?
for love?
mindgames
drawing me in
(play with me) (please)
(I expect it)
Begging Pleading Desperate to Play
Tools? Do I need tools to play?
Skills?
Knowledge?
You ask her where she has been –
but do you really want to know?
her secrets
her evil (hidden in the backblocks of
her psyche)
Subjective vision
Subjective vision
of subjective experience.
her eyes caress
the crevices of the world
as she experiences it;
as she lusts for it to be;
sites of existence
possibilities of experience
Attempts made to bend my reality…
(actual date unknown – approx sept 98)