…without baulking at them, that is. i nearly choke on the feelings, let alone trying to get the words out. i feel, therefore i cannot breath. reading the clue left me gasping for air, shaking and quivering and filled with the angst of almost-but-not-quite losing something you have become oh-so-attached-to. its insidious. i didn’t notice it arrive in my life, but it crept up and swallowed me whole, leaving me living inside the belly of the beast i used to fight so hard to stay away from.
this is not all as bad as it may sound. it is difficult to believe, but i am truly submissive to the feeling. emote.
courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of fear. that which i have feared most has become such a part of my life that I cannot see my way clear without it.
it is growth, that is all, and acceptance is all i need to cope with it. the sudden realisation of the thing’s existence is what made me choke, not the thing’s existence.
i have learnt to live with it, now i have to learn to live with my knowledge of it.
that is all.