somewhere along the line (at a specific time, brought about by a specific event), i dropped into a place i didn’t/don’t want to be. i know the answer to one question – it doesn’t stress me out, as much as it makes me feel inadequate – because i can’t explain that easily in words, when the answer you seek is just inherent knowledge or a feeling i get given/dragged into.
that may sound ambiguous and it is – and this is a generic ‘you’. if i look at you, and you’re feeling whatever, i get dragged into that feeling. i just feel what you feel – i don’t see it via observation of your actions/reactions – i feel it. though i know what you’re feeling, i don’t know why. so i ask. if i don’t get an answer, i don’t know why…. then someone else asks me why you do that, and i don’t know, and i end up feeling less than adequate, because i can’t explain.
does that make sense? probably not. it doesn’t make much sense to me, at any rate. nothing makes much sense to me. the lack of answers equals nothingness, and i’d prefer to understand the nothingness, than understand the everything.
the nothingness bothers me more than the everything.
i’m hungry, but i don’t feel like eating. i think i want coffee, possibly toast. there’s beer available, and on a day as such (hot and what), beer could be a good thing to drink, but i don’t want the alcoholic content.
searching for clues, there’s one hidden in here somewhere. i vaguely recall a post that verges on a semi-related topic.
all that, and more.