So, last night on Six Feet Under:
“..but I won’t change anything. If you change one thing, it changes everything, and some things are the way they should be.” -Brenda (Rachael Griffiths)
But some things need to be changed… Change is a curious creature, I’m still searching for a grip on what this change is. Hidden feelings and desires are playing games with the truth, and the truth needs to come out.
The irony is, I sensed the positivity inherent within, and that started one sweeping roll of change, but then, turn around and begin again, sensing negative energy inherent around, changed it all again. I think I need to surround myself with the positive, and ignore the BAMF’s who think this is not a “good thing”. It’s a technical reality that it is actually none of their god damn business, anyway. The difficult part, is inducing the reversal, back to what it was going to be, what it should be.
Spent the weekend in Innisfail, and caught up with a few people I haven’t seen in years. Most notably, Aunty Helen. I swear that woman has a heart and soul of pure gold, and I hadn’t realised how much I have missed her, and her family. Being back in my home town was kind of scary, as I expected. The “this is where I came from?” revelation hit me by about 4pm on Saturday, and by midnight, I was almost positively depressed. But then memories of the good stuff flooded through, via Aunty Helen. Though, good as it was, it was still tinged with the sadness of the first two paragraphs. Never lost, never found. I just, I just, I just want to know if, if, if, if I am right about this. If I knew, no problem. But I don’t, and I know there is no way of knowing. So what am I to do?
Yesterday, a few clues were handed to me on a silver platter, and I’m beginning to put the pieces together. It’s starting to make sense, but this is where someone is playing games with the truth. I think, all I need to do, is stand my ground, work out what I want, and do it.
Wish me luck.