yes. cranky.. i was in the middle of trying to write a “where the fucking hell are you” email, that didn’t sound too aggressive or too possessive (i failed, btw, i just let myself rant, then mailed the fucker to myself. no one is going to read that).. when they came to the board.. well one of them started ranting about women “fuck em! i don’t need this shit.. girls = trouble” blah blah blah.. then the other one started in with crap about ‘having those thoughts about all humanity’…. as much as they have every right to whinge and bitch and moan about their crappy lives and the people that fuck them around, i was in NO mood to hear it. so i rattled out something like “before i get any more pissed off and start ranting back at you, i’m out of here.. bbl”…..
well.. i got a flurry of apologies over ICQ.. which really only pissed me off more.. well not really ‘pissed me off’ .. more ‘validated my anger’… it was kind of like “sorry, i know you’re right.. but i’m going to keep bitching about it anyway”.. at least he understood where i’m coming from.. total frustration, and fear, about my health, and then, someone goes missing, just when i kinda need him more..
nights are the worst.. trying to get to sleep.. i can’t stop thinking at the best of times… but lying in bed, dark, the faint sound of the traffic on Vulture street… there’s no hiding.. no running away.. nothing to block it out with.. i can’t distract myself by deciding to redesign a site on the spur of the moment, or working on this statement, or that script..or.. organizing the CD collection by genre.. and two days later, re-organizing it to alphabetical…actually.. i should work on my book collection…. that’s next, i guess..
dad rang.. they’re in Tamworth.. they’ll be in Stanthorpe by tomorrow night.. then possibly brisbane by Tuesday.. i can’t wait to see them…