saturday night and feeling slightly out of sorts and needing space, time to myself. parents visiting aunt and uncle, princess out at a gallery opening i should have gone to as well, and Clay and I home alone. together, but separate. me on the computer for a while, him watching DVD’s. i’d had enough of the computer, went to lie down, he got on the computer. i had one of those odd half-dreams that i have just before i drop off to sleep, and the intensity of it woke me up. it was my house searching dream.. i was searching through a house, looking for something – don’t know what it is. find it, it’s the mini-golden treasure chest, as soon as i got my hands on it, my demon started chasing me. run down a hallway, into another room, and Clay’s standing there. he looks at me, worried, and i turn to face the demon, and Clay walks around me, stood in front of me – calm, but determined to protect me. i called out “No, Clay, you’ll get hurt” and i bolted awake, not knowing if i had actually called out in my half-sleep or not.. no response from Clay – obviously i hadn’t verbalised the dream in reality. i got up to get a drink…. saw some guy in the back yard, heading towards the stairs. i froze, he ducked down the side of the house. “Clay!” “What?” he comes running down the hallway.. “I just saw a guy in the back yard..” “Where’s the torch?” and he gets it, goes outside, checks under the house, down both sides of the house, the front yard, looking down the street, no sign of whoeverhewas. i was standing at the back door, looking out, more than freaked about the sudden realisation of the dream.
so yesterday and early christmas dinner and extended family and food food food. Clay talking to my cousin and my uncle (what a trip that was), and i was surprised that everyone was so nice to him, as opposed to the interrogation that previous boyfriends of mine and other family members were put through. it seems that mum primed the relatives (she likes him), and hence they all held her opinion from the start. it’s amazing what a good foreword can do for you..
and to my even greater surprise, he liked them.. apart from the fact that he found the same thing about my cousin (she talks a lot and slightly misses the point, but she’s got a warm heart and kind intentions) that everyone else in the family sees. this was without me, or anyone else giving him a forewarning about her. but, he likes my parents (though, i knew that before yesterday), he shock got on well with my sister, and her husband, he loved the kids, and they loved him — my niece even fell asleep on his lap.. t’was so cute…
previous ugly words exchanged between mum and my uncle were not revisited. in that exchange a few years ago, she was defending me.. he’s not the kind of guy that looks upon the arts with a interested eye.. in fact, i’d go as far as to say that he sees no value in the arts whatsoever. but, the topic did not come up, and even when i was telling my sister about the play, he just sat there, silent, not passing comment, but probably passing judgement. all i have to say to that, is “fine.. think what you will.. take me for what i am, or not at all.”
and much much later.. a moment of confusion, a “don’t just roll over and shut up, say what’s on your mind” moment. it’s ok though, i think… well, i know its nothing major.. i was feeling less than hurt, just a little “hrmph, but there’s nothing i can do anyway.” i knew there was nothing behind it, but i couldn’t help reacting to it, i guess.. even though i knew it was pointless to do so… well, not pointless.. to speak one’s mind is to clear it.. and that was the only benefit to be gained from speaking. mind you, a load off my mind at the moment is a huge benefit, one not to be discouraged. i should confront the entirety of the issue, though i know where he’s coming from, he needs to know how i’m reacting to it.. i just hate those “we need to talk about this” things.. i guess it’s more “i need to say this, it doesn’t really need action even, but i need to say it”.. and i should say it.. in short, there’s a slight mismatch of energies, nothing too serious, nothing that’s fatal, and i’m not fatalistic about it.. it just bugs me a tad, but it’s better to address it sooner than later, before it gets out of hand.
arriving to rehearsals this morning, our resident oddity looks at me, grins. “What..?” i ask. “Your aura.” “What about it?” “It’s pink!” he says in the cutest of cute, high-pitched squeaky voice. I giggled and grinned like an idiot for the next three hours, the vocal intonality and prior knowledge of the interpretation of “Pink!” running through my head on repeat.
more, so much more.. a film crew.. photos for publicity, “hey Paul, pick her up, and hold her for the photo”.. now tango darlings, tango.. “Whenever I say that line, I’m compelled to look at.. err..” “Hahahahaha” – then he challenges me, repeatedly, whenever the line comes up. damned over-confident and cocky men (excuse the pun). every time, we’d both be fighting to hold back the laughter as the line approached. ‘just say the line, don’t look down’ on repeat in my head.
an odd few days.. not so much because odd things happened, but because i had odd reactions to the things that happened..