odd that as soon as i got bad news, i dreamt of him… i don’t know what to think of the potential outcome of all this… i’m scared.. what scares me, is that it’s a self-prediction come true.. well, it’s not true yet, but its a possibility.. it scares me that i could be right.. and it upsets me for the same reason that i’ve always had.. it takes away my ability to choose what i want ..
i feel helpless.. fate has a hold of me, and won’t let go….
i slept last night.. took me forever to get to sleep, but talk about a deep sleep.. mum rang this morning and woke me up .. she has that odd way of checking up on me, right when i need it.. she brought me to tears about it all.. her words make me cry, but make me feel so much better at the same time.. i rang her and told her the story last night, so she rang this morning to see how i was.. tears dad’s concerned.. “if she needs us, we’ll be there in 8 hrs”.. dad rocks.. i havent talked to jody yet.. mum rang her this morning and told her i might need to talk..
i’m supposed to go to Ilona’s new place for a housewarming/australia day/JJJ hottest 100 bbq.. i don’t really feel up to it though.. i’ll probably stay home and lurk..