I guess the weekend wasn’t so bad. I was just in a god-awful mood for most of it. Steve had Friday & Saturday off, and it always throws me off kilter when he’s on days off. We went to the basketball on Friday night, with Kathryn and a heap of people from her work. Now that was fun. The thing that put me in a bad mood, was that after the game, no one could decide what we were going to do. I was already tired, and didn’t really want to be out too late, but after finding parking, going to Mondo’s first, then to the Casino, we eventually relocated to the Esplanade. That only took an hour… What really annoyed me though, was Saturday, when Steve decided that Kathryn and Barbara were coming over for dinner, when he knew that I was in hibernation-mode. I guess I just felt that I had no control over my own spaces, or something like that.
But we had dinner, which, while it was amazing, he made a ridiculous mess cooking, which I had to clean up this morning. whee.
It’s more than other people and mess though. It’s that I feel like I have no control over certain areas of my life which I usually can control, and that I feel like I’m lacking something. My dreams have been weird, and vivid, and disturbing. I had my teeth dream last week, followed by a dream where my “family” gathered to mourn a loss of some sort, This “family” consisted of various friends that I have ‘lost’ over the years in various ways, all beyond my control. I don’t remember what it was that we were mourning for though.
Generally, I guess I just feel like there’s something missing from my life. And I have no control over it.
I hate that feeling. I detest it.
I love it here, but I’m not liking it at the moment.
I need something new, something exciting, engaging, compelling, and lovely. It’s there, but it’s not there.