so i’m going through the process of deciding what i’m doing with my life, where i’m living, who i’m living there with, where i’ll be in 1, 5, 10 years time, as well as 1, 5 and 10 weeks time… and options pop up, i get enamoured with them, things seem really cool, then those options fizzle out of contention…. like, for example, i was moving out, then i wasn’t, then princess decided he was moving out, then i was going as well, then i was going to stay here, and get someone else (a specific person) to move in, but now, he’s not able to do that, so i’m at square one again….. am i finding someone else, am i finding somewhere else, if so, am i going there alone or not, how much does it all cost..? and while all these options come and go, and all these questions are being asked, i’m running out of time.
in short: i have no fucking idea..
i’m waiting for a call back from my dad about some relatives of mine, and whether or not they have room at their place.. and i’m waiting for a call back from a friend, as to whether or not he’s able to move in here..
i’m almost over it. i’m so sick of not knowing what i’m doing… and i’m sick of people expecting a direct, immediate answer, when my answer relies on someone else’s decision, and they are relying on something else that is taking a lot of time.
i don’t have an answer right now. i can’t even begin to guess what the answer might be.. i can give you the alternatives that i have to choose from, and what conditions that each alternative relies on.. but i can give no more than that. until i get answers from other people.
and that situation is driving me nuts. because (for the time being) the whole thing is out of my hands.. i have absolutely no control over anything, until other people make up their minds.. all i can do, for the moment, is sit here, and rationalise and analyse my options. again.
i’m going nuts.