forgive me if this makes little sense, i’m still waking up.
wait a sec, i need coffee..
ok, there we go.. now, late last night, i posted a snippet to dislocate, about this film that i’m writing..
the bit i wanted to talk about was this:
“heh.. in the midst of analyzing the characters, defining their motivations, etc, i realised where this film came from…. ph33r a 7 month dance of control, and defiance.”
i’ve previously discussed this 7 month ‘dance’ in the entry titled “guilt.”. that entry discusses my guilt over the way that the relationship ended.. this film, is turning into an analysis of the psychological make-up of the relationship, before i realised that it was over.
(hrm, ‘turning into’, or ‘subconsciously was from the start’? an interesting question, which i will refrain from answering..)
the female lead (who is the central character) is an exaggeration of certain (read: negative) personality traits that i have. especially her narcissism, and her emotional independence (note that i don’t see ’emotional independence’ as a negative trait per se, but when exaggerated to the extent that it has been at times, it can be a hindrance). she’s subtly manipulative, she’s selfish, but she’s prepared to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. and she knows how to do that, and hold herself back just enough so that she doesn’t get hurt.
i’ve been reading up on personality disorders.. specifically borderline and narcissistic personality disorders..
(drak induced break)
psychology has always interested me, although i find it somewhat dangerous to read it in the wrong state of mind.. if i’m overly self-critical, i find myself recognising symptoms. i’ll leave the diagnosis to professionals, but it’s fascinating fodder for character development.