i can feel myself slipping into an old, bad pattern yet again. i don’t want to go there this time. i’m really trying not to let this get a hold of me. but still, i’m slipping.
i know it would be a bad thing. but i can still feel it happening. i’m not sure how to stop it though.. when you’re dealing with something so habitual, its difficult to know how to operate in any other manner..
it used to be comforting, but now its kinda frightening.. last time it (the entire situation as it developed) really fucked me over, and i’m scared it will happen again. granted the faces and personalities are different, and the same outcome cannot (by law of averages) be the same, but i cannot help but be wary. i don’t want to get on the Titanic again. and this would truly be a sinking ship.. i can smell the fire in the engine room, but it seems i love the odour.. and the heat…..
would someone please send me a distraction, some sense, and a restraining order?