i spoke too soon.. i shouldn’t have mentioned that i hadn’t been feeling so sick. the last 2 days straight, i’ve been almost constantly on the edge of a nausea, a nausea that is refusing to let me know whether i should eat, to make it go away, or not, lest it get worse. add to that an emotional instability, with no real cause.
i just have this sense of dread about the world. i don’t want to face it. any of it.. especially not the bits i hide from it. does that make sense? can i hide stuff from myself, and get away with it? i want to forget that i have dreams, and problems i refuse to admit to the world. i want to forget that the thing that upsets me most, no one knows about. i want to forget that it’s upsetting me now, and that it ever has.
i dreamt about John Dalla again this morning… i have no idea why he’s popping up in my dreams so much the last few months.. i haven’t seen him for years. i haven’t heard anything of him, that would make him a key figure in my subconscious.. he looked so young, in this morning’s dream.. and he was with Nathan T, from high school.. which explains a bit to me.. Nathan was always so baby-faced.. but that’s inconsequential.. the more important question is why they had me locked up in a bathroom….
no wonder i’m feeling emotionally unstable.. jesus.