puppy palace with Myles and Toni after venting about Kim-Ann’s bitch-trick of wednesday night.. what planet she’s from, i don’t know, but it seems she thinks that 1. i’m naive, and 2. i value her opinion… the good thing is, she doesn’t realise how wrong she is. she also doesn’t realise that i saw through her in about .002 seconds. i’m still reeling somewhat from that little series of incidents….
Clayton. i guess i should (try to) explain what’s going on with this mysterious Clayton that i’ve mentioned a few times here and there. Clayton is a rarity.. i’ve known him since May, and he was my co-star in Cailleach.. he was also in princess’s last film, Emmett and Hetty Like Their Beans, and for the film just completed, Second Thought he was on set almost constantly as assistant director.
formal introductions aside, we’ve been going out for almost two weeks.
gasp
it’s a rarity.. he’s one of the few guys i’ve met in the last two years, that don’t send me reeling with fear. fear of commitment, fear of being owned. he realises how independent i can get, and he values it. the moment i realised that, i nearly died of shock. my first thought was something like “my god, there’s someone out there that knows of a middle ground..? wow….”
i’ve been ever-so-girly about him, but in moments of rationality, i think it works.. i’m kinda lost for words about it, ’cause i’m tired, and coming down from a pointless-and-causeless grumpy mood..
i actually don’t know what brought that on.. i was fine when i got home from the puppy palace (don’t ask why we went there..) then i think i slightly over-reacted to a few things that princess said when i got home.. long story, that.. (it starts with the “goddamn computers….” entry in dislocate.lj).. we had to reformat the G3, which had a total of 500mb free on the hard drive. and we lost everything. there was absolutely nothing we could do.. it didn’t recognise it’s own hard-drive, couldn’t load the OS, so we couldn’t even get into it via ethernet from the imac. i lost about 1gb of files and programs, as well as all email data etc etc.. i had a version of the email user data from about the middle of last week (when i was last on the imac), so once the G3 was operational again (after a 3 hour or so run of re-installing the OS and programs), i transferred that version over, but i’ve lost about 7 emails that are no longer on their respective servers. (i hate web mail. i’m a pop-freak.) and i know i still have to reply to about three of them. dammit.
so, i dunno, i guess i was stressing a bit, and over-reacted.. bleh. then fell into a bit of a self-directed, analytical, grumpy-ass-bitch of a mood… i was a bit rammstein-angsty, i guess.. so i tried to meditate, but of course, as soon as i closed my door: knock knock “are you ok?” “yea, i’m fine” “ok”.. 40 seconds later: a car alarm started going off.. then princess started making his chair squeak.. i finally dropped out of it somewhere after the car alarm shut the hell up, and ms. max-tangential found what it was that was making her so angsty. (stream of consciousness works for me.. if i can actually stop thinking, i can let my mind wander over to what it is that’s bothering me. the hard part is stopping myself from directing my thoughts.).. but, i think i’ll leave that for another entry.. this one’s getting long, and i think i need to work on it some more.. (but, in an attempt to not worry anyone, it’s to do with my past.. some issues that i had to deal with, face to face, in filming Second Thought).
ok, i need to sleep..