run away..

futile hunting of lost friend, giving up hope of reclaiming past status as Ka sisters; yet somehow, regaining a little stability and routine following chaos and foolishness of last few weeks.. slowly returning to normal..

not ‘normal’ by any definition, but something that is more like what i’m used to..

catching up on lost reading, feeling more in touch with what’s been going on everywhere.. so like me, not participating, but observing everything, just so that i know the status quo.

dreams have been insane as per usual. the one this morning:

i was on the run from some ‘organization’, and using a group of english soccer hooligans (who consisted of half of the cast, and half unrecognized school kids) as a cover, yet, somehow, it wasn’t quite working, i wasn’t found, but they were always close behind.. anxiety dream, fearing being found out, known too well, and being hung, drawn and quartered for it. my ‘crimes’ were/are punishable, and the dread of being caught was/is tangible.

for some reason, Marvin the Paranoid Android from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, (by the late, great Douglas Adams) comes to mind:

Ford stayed, and went to examine the Blagulon ship. As he walked, he nearly tripped over an inert steel figure lying face down in the cold dust.
“Marvin!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t feel you have to take any notice of me, please,” came a muffled drone.
“But how are you, metal man?” said Ford.
“Very depressed.”
“What’s up?”
“I don’t know,” said Marvin, “I’ve never been up there.”
“Why,” said Ford squatting down beside him and shivering, “are you lying face down in the dust?”
“It’s a very effective way of being wretched,” said Marvin. “Don’t pretend you want to talk to me, I know you hate me.”
“No I don’t.”
“Yes you do, everyone does. It’s part of the shape of the Universe. I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Even robots hate me. If you ignore me I expect I shall probably go away.”
He jacked himself up to his feet and stood resolutely facing the opposite direction.
“That ship hated me,” he said dejectedly, indicating the policecraft.
“That ship?” said Ford in sudden excitement. “What happened to it? Do you know?”
“It hated me because I talked to it.”
“You talked to it?” exclaimed Ford. “What do you mean you talked to it?”
“Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself into its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it,” said Marvin.
“And what happened?” pressed Ford.
“It committed suicide,” said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold.

heh, Marvin’s cool like that..