i’m so fucking sick of people telling me that their ‘opinion’ should matter more than anything else i have to consider. i’m sick of people not telling me that, but just generally acting hurt and hard done by, when i don’t add them into the equation to make a decision.
the things you own, end up owning you…. and the same goes for people – i’m not owned, i don’t owe anyone anything except my friendship, which i can only guarantee if it is reciprocated.
i have a life, i have to live it.. if that means change that excludes various old ways of ‘living’, then so be it. surely the only important thing, is that i’m happy living a life that i enjoy and that is fulfilling. i can’t live in the past, i have to move forward.
as for the arguments etc briefly mentioned in last post : clay has his own troubles. family trouble, work trouble. he ended up in a screaming match with dan (his ‘boss’) and andrew, that ended with him in tears, telling them about his family history, about what’s going on right now, and they were both stunned into a silence that was only broken by dan saying “i’m going to give you a hug, because you need one right now.” he needs more than that. he needs to go back to his family and hang with them for a while, while he, and they, heal, and wait for his (third) father to pass away. as for work – he’s taking time off – possibly up to three months, and he’s not sure if he wants to go back there, it’s too stressful, it’s not moving in the direction he wants to go, and where it is going, it’s going too slowly for his liking.. he’s an action man, while dan is comfortable letting things meander.
in short – shifting sands for all. stay tuned.