my eyes flicked around the room person to person about .35 seconds each and as i flicked past him he looked at me but i refused to linger and i went on to the next but all of a sudden passion pulsated and i wanted to tell him how much i ached for him for the touch of his finger tracing my skin but i knew if i did then we would go to that place where i know we can’t go and all hell would break loose but in my peripheral vision i saw he was still looking at me then he looked down at the ground and i wanted to go back to him but i refrained only because i know that i should.
my will was stronger than my nerve. if i allowed my desire to control my actions then i would have held his stare but i couldn’t allow myself to do that because i don’t want to fuck this up for any of us. my eyes flicked around the room again and as i went past him he looked at me again and all i could think of was darryl don’t do this please i’m not strong enough for both of us if you cave now i’ll cave and then walls will crash and the roof will cave in and i will be sitting here my heart on the table as vulnerable as i could possibly be. i refused to look at him again until i could concentrate on something else.
its been an odd couple of days..