i have a couple of comments to make about this thing. diary, archive, journal, whatever.. three seperate incidents spawned these thoughts of mine.. the first, i seem to have aquired a few new regular readers (hiya 😀 ); the second, M finally found it (waves).. we talked about this for a while, going over a few entries and what, but what really made me stop and think about what i’m doing here, was this:
M: its interesting…i love to people watch. i’ve always been a people watcher, and i love to get into a persons thoughts .. hope i’m not creeping you out by reading this stuff
me: no no it’s fine.. if i didn’t want people reading it, i wouldn’t publish it
hrm..
the third incident, had to do with reading a particular entry in someone else’s diary, and a few articles on diarist.net.. its all about the ‘why’ of writing, and more importantly, the ‘why’ of publishing a diary-thingy on the web.. and to an extent, the consequences of such acts..
ok, so, having (kind of) explained where this is coming from, here’s my (?) explanation or rationale, of what i’m doing here..
this is (in all honesty) the ultimate form of people watching, bordering on voyeurism.. but in a sense, that’s the reason why i started this.. as the footer states: “this is for my friends and stalkers..” .. but.. while it’s published for an audience, i try not to write for an audience.. what you’re reading, is really just me pouring segments of my brain onto a table, and sorting through them.. i leave bits out, so sometimes it may not entirely make sense to an outsider, but when i do that, i know that i am still writing for myself…. i realise that i may be alienating my audience, by making it incomprehensible, but i’ll take that risk, because essentially, this is MY diary, dammit. i know the rest of the story, and the people who were a part of whichever situation, know the rest of the story, and can work it out.. i realise people are reading this, so i don’t publish sensitive information.. but what i do write is honest.
i don’t intend to give you a complete understanding of who i am and what i do on a daily basis; or a long and rambling analysis of my personality, and its inherent problems; nor is this a chance for me to spring personal details onto the web to make myself or other people feel somewhat uncomfortable… or thrilled, for that matter..
if this was on film, i could describe this so much easier.. you’re getting a glimpse of me. sometimes its a close up, occasionally i’m like an ant in a long shot.. or the camera circles around me, and i’m turning the other way, occasionally ducking.. but every little bit you see, adds to the bigger picture..
i am what i am.. and this is part of it..