tangent brain and aching shoulder. nothing sensical to make of the world, no decent train of thought to even find sense if it was there..
i have princess, Clay and Dave in the lounge room playing Dungeons and Dragons.. you try making sense of that.. two 24 year olds, and a 30 year old.. my mind flickers between the play script [i should be learning scenes 23 and 24, and writing sc 25]; the scientific corporate script i should be writing; a few journals i haven’t read up on over the last week, no, month; where the hell is everybody? i haven’t seen duck for what seems like ages, and the others (pa, M, lizzard, Dr-x to name a few) for even longer. and i miss them. t.. i haven’t talked to since the return, though i’ve seen evidence of her being around.. too much to contemplate on that one.. back to the play, Paul needs to do some serious rehearsal work, as does Tim, and they need me for that (considering that all their scenes are with me)..
this play is taking over my life… Clay wants me to go to another play tonight, though i feel i need some serious solitude. just time to do angie-things, not any inference that he or anyone else is getting to me.. it’s just ‘people-free time’ i need. though, on that note, it hasn’t been too bad today, the guys have been playing D&D since about 1pm, so i’ve had time to myself, but it hasn’t been an empty house, and the sounds of the game drift through my consciousness, distracting me from whatever thought it was i was having..
can’t concentrate. i think, even if they weren’t here, it wouldn’t be any different. what the hell have i done to my shoulder? it’s like i’ve put it out.. not dislocated, as such, just put it out of whack. that’s what i am – out of whack… slightly dislocated from any sense of self, any sense of who i am, what i’m doing, or why i’m doing anything in particular, much less the nothing much that i am achieving.
it’s saturday, that’s why i’m not achieving much.. the last week of hustle, bustle, demand and denial have taken it’s toll, and left me just a little too chilled out.
i guess that’s not a completely a bad thing, it just makes it difficult to get anything done — which is what i should be doing. getting (at least a few) things done. though, god knows, i needed time to relax.. if i had kept getting more days like last week, i would have started the 9am vodka shots.
jazz. they’re playing jazz out there.. its adding to the beautifully relaxed and babbly mood i’m in. why is there no one online when i’m in babble-mode? now that i think about it, jazz and D&D seems a tad odd….
welcome to my world….