i wish people would just make up their minds.. i’m very easy to get along with, as long as i know where i stand.
you…..god damn, why can’t you. just. let. me. go? it’s over, dammit. get used to it already. you’d think i would have learnt ages ago not to ask, but i had to, i couldn’t resist, and damn my stupidity for it. i deserved everything i heard. but curiosity killed the cat. i’m so glad you don’t read this, because i know if you did, there’d be hell to pay. you’d get jealous that i write about other people. you’d get hurt and angry about what i have said about you. you’d call me, in tears, asking why i don’t talk about you the way i used to. you’re obsessed. i know where i am, and i know where i want to be, in relation to you. 14940km away would be perfect.
and you…..what the hell is up with that? i can’t keep hanging on like this.. something has to give. you come and you go.. you’re there, and you’re not. Loch Ness Monster. “oh wait, did i just see? oh, i couldn’t have.. hang on, there it is again!” i’m trying to understand, i honestly am.. but it’s getting difficult to be the glue. everything is falling apart, including myself, and there’s not that much of me to go around anymore.
and you…..dammit, i wish you’d make up your mind. i honestly don’t care that much, so please, just make a goddamn decision and stick to it. “you do it, no, wait, i will.. oh, hang on, we can both do it, no wait.. i’ll tell you that you’re doing it, then i’ll go and change things, but while i’m doing that, can you tell him that i don’t want him to do that? thanks darl, you’re fabulous. hmm.. hang on, maybe you should do it all, cause i’ve got to do this.. um.. is everything ok?” no it’s not fucking ok. i’m sick, i’m tired of being fucked around, and you’re swinging more than the pendulum on a grandfather clock. you’re making me dizzy. stop it.
and me…..maybe i place too much value on this, maybe i expect too much, maybe i’m seeing things that aren’t there, maybe i’m wishing on a star that doesn’t exist, maybe i’m hoping beyond all hope. it’ll never happen. i’m being ridiculous again.